"I have a sick child"

There, I said it. I've been blowing this off for the past two months, but after Thursday's visit, I just can't deny it anymore. Baby H has always acted fine, so in my mind, I knew she was fine. But the truth is, she isn't fine. There is something seriously wrong with her, and at this point, the doctor's don't know what it is. All I know is that it isn't something very common or easily diagnosed at this point. But finding out what is wrong with her has taken a more prioritized path than it had just Wednesday, before the TCH appointment and noticing her liver has significantly enlarged.

I have a lot of guilt about this...did I do something wrong during the pregnancy? Maybe this is payback for my fear and apprehension about having her when I found out I was pregnant? Is this a result of my pregnancy-induced hypertension?

I look at her list of symptoms -- enlarged liver, enlarged spleen, slight anemia, and low platelets. I wonder if there are other symptoms that we are missing? I wonder if since I've never done the "newborn thing" that there are things that I just assume are normal in a baby that may be aren't?

Then I look at my big boy E. He'll be 8 next month, and his weight has dropped down to 53 pounds, fully clothed, no shoes, and he is of normal height for his age. I know it is most likely caused by the ADHD medication, Vyvanse, since that is a common symptom. We just cannot get him to eat well. I mean, he may have a good-sized meal every once in a while, but even trying to get him to eat fatty and high-calorie stuff like ice-cream, pizza, or cheeseburgers is tough because he "just isn't hungry." He has dropped under the 50th percentile for weight at this point, not officially, but based on growth charts online. He has his 8-year wellcheck appointment in the next few weeks, I wonder what Dr. B, our pediatrician, is going to say and do.

Then there is little girl A. My big girl. She is still having pee accidents at home every once in a while. I honestly don't know if it is regression because of the baby because it really only happens at home, but it has happened on a couple of occasions at school. Never has happened while we were out running errands or going out for a meal or something. She's 4-1/2 years old now.

Tomorrow is my postop with my OBGYN. Now that I'm almost turning 40, I need to talk to him about a mammogram. I need to make sure I'm healthy right now, especially with everything else going on right now. Oh yeah, did I mention I still have really high blood pressure since giving birth? Last check on Monday was 170/100. Needless to say, I have been a big more diligent on my BP medication. What happened to this PIH supposed to be going away after giving birth?

Tuesday is more bloodwork for Baby H. They are testing for some metabolic storage diseases/syndromes. I hope they find some answers. I love that little girl. She has truly made me so happy, I just can sit and stare at her all day long. My mom asked me if I have gotten bored yet taking care of her all day in and all day long, and honestly, I haven't. I just love being with her. (Of course, I'd love for her to sleep through the night, but at least we are down to one feeding during the night that I have to wake up for instead of two!).