Wednesday, June 25, 2008

One day shy of 32 weeks...

It has been a rough past few days. I started developing more symptoms of what could have been either preeclampsia or medication side effects. For about 4 to 5 hours on Monday, I had blurry vision (had trouble reading the computer, magazine, or TiVo listings), a dull annoying headache (not severe by any means), lightheadedness, and just overall generalized weakness all over my body. Called the doctor that afternoon, and he wanted me to come in the next day.

Same thing happened again yesterday for a couple of hours. It feels as if you just have no energy and are falling apart.

Went in to see the doctor again, and my BP there was very good, 130/85 I think it was. We (DH was with me) talked to him about all the symptoms including not feeling the baby as often, so he did a non-stress test on the baby for about 30 minutes. She was sleeping when we started, and then they gave me some juice. That woke her up for about 10 minutes, and then she went back to sleep. But the doctor felt good that she was able to be alert and she definitely started flopping around during the test.

He still doesn't think I have toxemia "yet, but it is inevitable". However, he does think that because I am now on a huge amount of medication that these are all side effects from the meds. It does make sense from the standpoint that I feels the worst about 2 hours after taking them, especially the morning dose. But because we want to be sure, I turned in my 24-hour urine collection in this morning plus they drew blood again for a toxemia panel.

We are in a balancing act right now. He says for every day we keep the baby inside that is two days that she won't have to spend in the NICU. We got to keep trying to shoot for 34 weeks, but he would be "ecstatic" if we could make it to 36. But when we get to the point where toxemia really hits, then it is "time to take her out."

I made a huge mistake today. After my blood work this morning, I decided to go to the supermarket down the street from the doctor's office to pick up something that I could throw into the oven for dinner tonight. I started walking through the store, and I quickly became very lightheaded, clammy, and I got to the point that I had to leave my cart, which I had filled with fruits, dinner, and a couple of other things, in front of the bathroom and had to sit in the bathroom for about 5 minutes just to cool down and catch my breath. I ended up walking out of the store without my groceries, just left them in front of the bathroom. I then sat in my car for about 20 minutes with the AC blasting at the highest level just so I could cool myself down enough to drive home. I promise I won't do that again. I really just wanted to do something productive, but now I know that I NEED the bedrest because I apparently can't handle just simple things right now.

Friday, June 20, 2008

My future...

I found my old blog earlier this evening. I realized that I really haven't truly blogged like I used to. Sharing stories, feelings, and just otherwise sharing whatever I want, whenever I want. That lead me to a internal dilemma about why I haven't posted much about things that are going on in my head, especially about this pregnancy.

I'm going to be a mom for the third time. I'm going to have a newborn baby girl in probably less than a month, and I have absolutely no clue on how to handle a newborn! A was already 6 months old when we brought her home, and E was already 14 months. I feel like I'm starting backwards -- going from toddler to infant to newborn.

There is a part of me that, even as I type this I can't believe it, is still in denial about this baby. I know all the crap I've been going through. I know in my head she is there. I feel her, even with my anterior placenta, kicking around in there as if there is a little alien inside my stomach trying to punch her way out.

I'm not "attached" to the idea of her yet. I look inside the room which will be hers. I see the stuff we have purchased so far still on the bed and not put away. Still have a long way to go until the room is "ready." Still have a LOT of stuff yet to buy for her. But most of all, I just can't picture my life with her in it. I just still am in denial that she is coming for some reason. Stupid, I know, believe me.

At least I know in my heart that once she is here, this feeling will go away. Maybe it is because we have had so many "false hopes" in the past with bringing our children home -- even with E (getting him home two months after 9/11) and dealing with two trips to bring A home (with the Beslan school shooting in between, just 30 miles from her orphanage), along with the three previous miscarriages.

I think I just need to see her face, touch her, and just hold her to know that she is really real and that she is going to be mine.

Going in the right direction finally!

First of all, I wanted to thank everyone for your support and advice, especially from those of you who have been here before. It is immeasurable!

Great news. I got the call from my OBs office, and my protein has actually gone down to 180 from 265ish! 300 ml is the cutoff for a preeclampsia diagnosis, so this is fantastic news. I've been monitoring my BP at home, and it has stayed in the mid 130s over upper 70s/lower 80s for the past 24 hours. Excellent, excellent so far. I am "under control" for now. Just at least another 3 more weeks!

The meds are still wiping me out some. I seem to fall asleep about an hour or two after each dose for at least 90 minutes to 2 hours. But it is better than that second day I took them when I ended up sleeping most of the day away -- 2 hour nap, 4 hour nap, and then going to bed early still! I guess this is what it is like "getting used to them."

My OB says that the meds "won't work like this forever," because at some point my body will adjust to them and my BP is going to go up. But if it can last for at least 3 weeks that will bring us to the 34-week mark (as we hit the 31-week mark yesterday). That is our goal!

So until that time, I'm still on strict bedrest, and I go back to the OBs office on Wednesday with another 24-hour collection.

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Better but wiped out.

Yesterday, I went to my primary care doctor for an EKG and to get my BP checked. It was actually 138/82! The lowest it has been this whole time. My EKG came back normal, yay, and my doc doesn't think it is underlying chronic hypertension. That's not to say that I may not develop chronic hypertension after this pregnancy.

Went back to my OBGYN today, and my BP was 144/84. He was pleased that it is somewhat down again, even if it is still a bit high. He talked to his colleague at the Baylor High Risk unit, and unless my BP jumps up quickly again, he agrees that we are on the right course of action.

I dropped off my 24-hour urine again this morning, and I"m keeping my fingers crossed that my protein is stable or creeps JUST a bit, nothing drastic. It was in the upper-mid 200s last week, and 300 ml is the cutoff for toxemia. I'm VERY anxious to see what those results are.

However, for now, this meds increase is kicking my butt hard. I'm exhausted all the time, and I even took a 3 hour nap yesterday AND went to bed early. I talked to both docs, and sedation is a side effect, but man, it really is wiping me out. I'm barely holding my head up as I type this, and it is only 9:35 AM. I'm off to take a nap after this.

Unfortunately, according to my doc, the meds will only work for so long until they have to go to the next step which is either additional meds, change in meds, or worst case IV medication with hospital bedrest. I just hope we can keep them going for a while.

We are at 31 weeks tomorrow - yay! Bought another week at least. We'll see what the protein shows tomorrow. At least that will give me a gauge as to how the toxemia is developing. If nothing dramatic happens in the meantime, my next appointment is one week from today.

Off to sleep...again...

Monday, June 16, 2008

Tired of this...

Got to the doctor's office this afternoon. BP was 178/110. Obviously way too high. My doc tripled my medication - 500 mg 3 times a day instead of 250 mg 2 times a day. Also, I have an appointment scheduled with my primary doctor (internal medicine) for an EKG and cardiac workup. My OBGYN wants to rule out any chronic heart problem developing before he sends me downtown to the high-risk clinic. I'm just so tired of this already...

Going down the hill...

I swear this past week has been like a roller coaster. I've been on pretty strict bedrest since Friday morning with the only exceptions being to go to the bathroom, shower, and to have meals with the family.

Even with that, I've been watching my blood pressures creep up every day since I've been home monitoring them. Friday, they were in the upper 140s/mid 80s range like the day before. Saturday, they were in the low to mid 150s/mid 80s range. Yesterday, they were in the upper 150s/low 90s range. Last night, after laying on my left side for 3 hours, it was 161/92. This morning when I woke up, it was 167/96. Needless to say, I called my doctor's office first thing in the morning, as I know that they consider 140/80 to be "severe."

Also, I had a very weird episode last night that concerns me because I'm not sure what it was. I woke up around 1:30 AM with my heart racing and having trouble breathing. I felt like I was breathing so heavily and so loud and didn't stop until I finally sat up on the side of my bed. It was only then that I was able to catch my breath finally. I've never had a panic attack before, but I can only assume that is what it was like. Can you have panic attacks while you sleep (I don't remember having a dream at that time.).

Anyway, I have to go back to the doctor's office in about 90 minutes to see what is going on since he was hoping that we would be able to be stable for at least a week (Thursday). Guess not.

Thursday, June 12, 2008

Flying high with smiles right now!

I'm smiling so huge right now.

First we did the ultrasound. She is looking great and measuring actually a week ahead (31 weeks) in terms of size. She is already 3 lb 12 oz big! Our worry that having PIH would cause the growth restriction hasn't happened, at least not yet. Her heart is nice and strong.

Then, my doctor came in. My BP actually dropped to 148/86 (which is still high for pregnancy, but a HUGE drop for me since yesterday). He thinks the medication has finally kicked in. My protein urine test came back on the high-end of normal, but normal nonetheless. The fact that the meds finally kicked in means I don't have to be sent downtown to the High Risk Clinic.

So, he still thinks I will most likely develop preeclampsia, but for now we are safe and sound. If I don't develop any other symptoms of preeclampsia or preterm labor in between visits, I have to do the 24-hour urine collection every Wednesday and see him every Thursday morning to drop it off and get checked out. If my protein gets too high, then I will likely be admitted that Friday for delivery.

I'm flying so high right now. We are week-to-week right now, but at least I got another week! I'm still on bedrest but he gave me "approval" to pick the kids up from camp every day so that DH doesn't have to do it. This news is better than I could have expected, much better!!!

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

She's not ready yet!

I just got back from my OBGYN appt. My BP was still 170/100, which is considered "severe" hypertension even on the medication and bedrest for the past two days. I did the 24-hour urine collection thing, and the results should be coming back tomorrow. Also, I have an ultrasound tomorrow because they want to see how big the baby is because PIH is known to cause IUGR (intrauterine growth restriction).

I asked my doctor for best and worst case scenarios just so I know what I'm dealing with, and he has three scenarios which we may be dealing with.
1. Worst case is that my 24-hour urine comes back showing more than 1 g of protein, which means I have preeclampsia. If that is the case, then it is immediately delivery of the baby. TOMORROW! I'm only going to be 30 weeks tomorrow! She's not ready yet.
2. Middle scenario is that I have the early stages of pre-clampsia, which means I will be visiting with him every 2 to 3 days to be checked and be on "strict" bedrest (as opposed to moderate) because he thinks toxemia is a very strong possibility in the near future. As soon as that develops, then delivery.
3. Best case scenario. That I may have underlying chronic hypertension (even though I never had signs of it before, my dad and brother do have high blood pressure) that is now coming out due to the pregnancy. If that is the case, I will still visit with him every 2 to 3 days and be on strict bedrest, and the latest he will let this pregnancy go at this rate is 34 weeks. That's it. 34 weeks!

I just got off the phone with DH, and I was so hard not to break down telling him all of this. I did anyways. He is so strong, he is my rock. I know that he has got to be freaking out about this too. Argh... sucks! sucks! sucks!!!

30 weeks is so early... I'm so upset. Even 34 weeks is not enough, and that is the best case scenario!

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Packing for "the future"...

I'm very anxious about tomorrow morning. Sure, it is just a blood pressure check to see if the medication (methyldopa) and rest has helped, but what if it is still high? Then what? DH bought me a blood pressure cuff yesterday, and I have been taking my BP every 4 or 5 hours. When I'm just hanging out around the house (not resting), it is ranged between 160 to 179 over 89 to 96. Not good. If I rest on my left side for more than an hour, it comes down to between 138 to 148 over 82 to 86. Yuck.

So, at my husband's insistence (and I agree), we decided it is better to pack my hospital bag now rather than later and have it ready. Just in case. Hopefully having it ready, we won't need to use it. But if I don't do it, will I need it?

I have NO idea what is going to happen tomorrow.

Monday, June 9, 2008

Not a happy camper...

This weekend I took it pretty easy. At my insistance, we did a big baby stuff shop this weekend at Target and Babies R Us. After everything I have been reading about PIH online, I just have a feeling this baby will be here sooner than later. Apparently, according to BabyCenter.com, since I developed PIH before my 30th week, I have a 1 out of 2 chance of developing pre-eclampsia (of which the only cure is delivery, regardless of how early the baby is). We also went to the Water Park at our local YMCA, which I absolutely loved, because I just spent the entire hour lounging in the water while DH and the kids played in the pool/slide area.

Fastforward to crappy today...
I went in for my followup appointment today at 8:45 after I dropped both kids off at school. My appointment wasn't until 9:15 AM, but I wanted to get there a little early because I wanted a chance to sit and rest and get my blood pressure down ast low as possible. Anyway, they ended up taking me immediately.

The nurse took my blood pressure, and because I told her that I was concerned about what it was, she wouldn't tell me. She wasn't mean about it, she just said that she doesn't want to tell me because she is going to take it again with a different cuff in a bit to see if there is a difference. Anyway, about 5 minutes later, she came back with a different cuff and said it was much lower, and my blood pressure was 180/110. This was the LOWER blood pressure.

My doctor came shortly after her, which was surprising, because he always seems to take a while. He was hoping that my BP on Friday was a fluke, but obviously it wasn't. He is concerned that it is going up so significantly so fast. He still doesn't think it is toxemia yet, but he wanted to do some blood work (toxemia panel and thyroid panel) and a 24-hour urine collection just to be sure. I am also to be on bedrest 2 to 3 hours a day at least twice a day, which basically seems to be most of the day. Also, I am to only do "activities as absolutely necessary," which means I can pick up the kids from camp and things like that. I'm not on complete bedrest. Also, he started me on a BP-lowering medicine, which the pharmacist warned me would cause drowsiness.

Then, I go back on Wednesday morning to do a recheck. If there isn't a definite reason why my BP is going up so fast, then he is considering sending me to Baylor Univ's High Risk unit downtown to be evaluated (which is where we ended up having the amnio done). I really hope it doesn't come to that.

Sucks :(

Friday, June 6, 2008

Pregnancy-induced hypertension?

I had my 29-week appointment today. When I first got in, my blood pressure was 160/90. The nurse had me lay down for 30 minutes, and when the doctor came in to recheck it, it went down to 140/90. Then he said something I was dreading... "So, we are going to have to treat this pregnancy a little bit differently now...".

He doesn't think it is toxemia, but he wants me to have 2 to 3 hours of bedrest a day and basically take it easy this weekend. Even though I'm not a diabetic, he wants me to go on a low-carb, low-salt diet through the weekend. I have to go back on Monday morning at 9:15 am for a blood pressure recheck and take it from there.

My first fear was, of course, pre-eclampsia and how the baby is only at 29 weeks right now. I am going to read up more about PIH (pregnancy-induced hypertension) and see what else I can do to avoid having pre-eclampsia come.

Just when I was enjoying a "normal" pregnancy... :(

Thursday, June 5, 2008

Baby Girl O's first pics!

We went in for our 4D ultrasound today. Unfortunately because I have an anterior placenta (in the front of the baby instead of the back) and because her cord was right in front of her face, we couldn't really get that many good pics of her. These were the best that we could get. But you know what -- THERE REALLY IS A BABY IN THERE!!!! How cool is this?

There are a lot more pics from today which you can check out on my facebook account or on shutterfly. But here is one!


Baby Girl O, 29 weeks

Monday, June 2, 2008

Got my first "experience" in Labor and Delivery

So, I've been working on hydrating myself much more as well as eating more. Saturday, we went to the water park that just opened and had an absolute GREAT time there for a bit over an hour or so. The kids loved going up the bridges, down the slides, and E just LOVED standing in the pool where this huge bucket of water gets dropped every 5 minutes. Towards the end of the time there, I saw on the steps in the pool and just soaked in the cool water while watching everyone...I was in heaven (I love pools!).

After the water park, we went out to lunch. On the drive there, I felt a HUGE kick from the baby. Biggest kick yet. I felt like my hold body moved with it! Shortly after that, I had another heat spell (clammy, hot, having to sit down, nauseous, back pain, feeling horrible, etc.). After we got home, I slept for 2 hours, and the weird thing was that I wasn't even tired, so I thought! Later that night, I had another heat spell which fortunately wasn't as bad because I was lying in our bed with the fan turned right on to me (even with the AC set at 72 degrees!).

Fast forward to yesterday. We had a great day. I worked extra hard staying hydrated. Even brought a 32-ounce water to a birthday party that A went to and drink almost all of it while I was there. No heat spells at all yesterday.

For some reason right before dinner, I was lying on the couch and I realized that I hadn't felt the baby move since that big kick yesterday around lunch time. I keep thinking back to being told the start monitoring baby kicks, and I couldn't remember any kicks that day or the night previously (which is unusual because she LOVES the nighttime to kick around).

I called the doctor's office just to touch base. I didn't want to be a worry wart, so if he said "Well, you are still early at 28-1/2 weeks, hang in there", I would be fine. However, the doctor on call told me to just come into Labor and Delivery just to make sure. So, we packed up the kids and went to the hospital.

Having the kids with us at the beginning was good because we couldn't get visibly nervous because we didn't want the kids to freak out. We just said we wanted to go by and check to make sure the baby was okay.

So, I got hooked up to the fetal monitors and they did a non-stress test on me for about 20 minutes. Took my initial blood pressure, which was really high at 158/90 (which is not like me since I haven't had anything over 118/70 this pregnancy). At first it took about 3 minutes to find the heartbeat, which seemed like forever at the time because I had thought the worst and first. But then she found it. The baby started moving around under the monitor strip (it was very snug), and we could see her little heartbeat just moving along there.

The nurse said things were looking really good, but she wanted to show the doctor the strip. About 10 minutes later, she came back with a sandwich and a huge jug of ice water. Apparently, the doctor didn't think the baby's heartbeat wasn't variable enough, so he wanted me to eat the sandwich and drink the water. Which I did, which seemed to take forever because I just was NOT in the mood to eat.

After I finally ate, we redid the non-stress test, and sure enough, the baby liked the food and was moving around like crazy. The heart beat definitely became more variable (not in a straight line like it was), and she was starting to kick her little heart out. What a huge relief!

So I got my first experience with where I'm going to be having this adorable little girl. I have to say, I was impressed with how quickly they took me in and how nice the two nurses were the were attending to me. Very, very pleasant...even with my two rowdy kids in the room with us!

11+ weeks to go!