She's here!

I've tried writing this post for almost three days now. Each time, I get to a point and decide I'm just not in the mood to do it. Nothing horrible is going on -- my beautiful daughter is here, in the NICU for 5 days now, but as of today, things are looking more positive (nothing lifethreatening). I'm exhausted and sore, my blood pressure is still really high and for some reason my body has decided that swollen legs and hands should come after the pregnancy is over. DH and A are at the NICU right now feeding H (our baby girl) her 4:30 PM feeding, but I was too swollen and tired to go, so this is the first non-overnight feeding I have missed. But I do have a beautiful baby girl here who is just amazing, wonderful, and I can't believe how quickly I fell in love with her.

But I digress... (and will fill more details in later on)

Birth Story
I was scheduled for a 4 PM "add-on" Csection on Friday afternoon, July 25. We had picked up A and E early from camp so I could spend some time with them before DH brought them to our neighbor's house to spend the day and night. Because L&D was really busy, I didn't get a room until 3:15 PM so I knew things would be later than scheduled. The nurses came in and tried to start the IV. "Tried" is the key word there because my veins kept "popping" each time they got it in. Apparently with my blood pressure so high, my veins were very, very sensitive. Five nurses tried, and five times I got pricked...hard! The second to last time, my blood pressure dropped to 80/40, and I got extremely lightheaded and clammy. Finally, they brought the anesthesiologist in (who would later do my procedure), and he was able to get it in on the side of my left hand after numbing it with lidocaine. Thank GOODNESS that was over. Believe it or not, that was the most painful part of the procedure! About 5 PM, they wheeled me down to the OR. Here things went fast and furious. I sat up to get my spinal block anesthesia and told the anesthesiologist how I heard how painful these were. He laughed and said that the IV was the worst of it and "to watch." Sure enough, it was just a little poke of lidocaine in the back and the rest was a piece of cake! Soon after, my legs felt like logs, and it was the strangest feeling! They almost forgot to bring my husband back into the operating room, and by the time they did, my doctor had already made the first incision!

Baby H came out within minutes, and I heard her start crying. They showed her to me very quickly, and she was taken to the warmer to be cleaned up and checked out. Her apgars were 8 and 9! I kept thinking, "OMG, this is so weird!" Out of all things to come into my mind, all I could think about was how surreal this moment was...that THIS was my daughter, the one who had been inside my tummy for 9 months!! The nurses had my husband follow them to take the baby to be weighed and to wait for me in the recovery room.

My doc then asked me if I was sure that I wanted my tubes tied, and I was like "Um yes, absolutely!" This pregnancy was such a fluke, 1 in a million, that I didn't want to take another chance. So, he tied my tubes. I found out later from my DH that my doc also asked him if I was sure that I wanted a tubal ligation before the sugery started, and DH said that I was pretty positive!

Recovery was actually pretty mellow. I stayed in the recovery room for a couple of hours while just staring at DH holding Baby H. She was all swaddled up, and I could just see the amazement in his eyes. It was so obvious that she has his lips! I was able to hold her briefly while in recovery, but DH and I just kept looking at each other the whole time saying "OMG!" LOL, we were still in shock.

She was born at 5:27 PM. 6 pounds, 11 ounces, and 19 inches tall. Brownish-black hair. Just beautiful, absolutely beautiful. I couldn't stop looking at her!

After recovery, I was wheeled upstairs to my room where I spent 5 nights and 6 days (it was only supposed to be 3 nights, but because Baby H ended up in the NICU, my doc gave me an extra couple of days to stay there.) I lived on Vicodin and Motrin. I kept having this intense pain, like a knife ripping my left front incision open, from the second day on. Vicodin didn't even help, and I would cry in pain because I couldn't move and it hurt so much. Found out on the fourth day that the glue my doc used to close the incision "hardened" too much (bad batch) and became like a serrated plastic knife cutting against my incision. After my doc ripped that part of the glue off, I felt "normal" recovery pain, and I've been able to cut down my Vicodin to only 2 a day (1 in the morning and 1 in the evening) instead of 2 pills every 4 hours.

But now I'm home, recovering. I feel a lot better than I expected to at this point. I'm still sore, but I've been doing a lot of walking, and I am not really having too much problems on the stairs either (as long as I'm empty-handed). I don't get winded anymore like I did before Baby H was born, and with the exception of now-swollen feet, legs, and hands, I'm doing better. Sadly, because I have so much fluid retained, I haven't even lost a pound yet! Sure, I delivered an almost 7-pound baby, and I don't get "credit" for it LOL. However, my blood pressure is still a problem (even though it normalized for the first three days) so I'm back on the BP meds, and I'm going to see my regular doctor about different BP medication to take until either my BP comes back down (which could take months) or if I now have chronic hypertension.

Baby H
Everything with our gorgeous little girl was going well the first couple of days. She was able to room-in with me, and I loved having her right there. DH spent the first night with us, and I couldn’t take my eyes off her (My parents came into town and the kids slept over at their hotel). She did exactly as she was supposed to – eat, poop, pee, and sleep!

The second night, I was by myself because DH went home to sleep with the kids since they were missing us quite a bit. At about 12:30 AM, I asked the nurse if they could take Baby H to the nursery just so I could get some sleep. I slept a bit, but at 4:00 AM, I missed her so much, I asked the nurse to bring her back. I hated being apart from her and couldn’t sleep anymore without her there!

Later that morning, the pediatrician on call came to check out Baby H. He said she looked good except for an obvious case of jaundice, and he was going to have them bring up the photo therapy lights. He wanted to get some bloodwork to check out her bilirubin numbers.

Around late afternoon, they brought in the photo therapy lights and got Baby H set up on the machine. I absolutely HATED the mask they make the babies wear, and Baby H hated it too, it was clearly obvious. But I know she had to wear it. We were allowed to take her out to feed her, but she needed to be in those lights every other moment.

They also wanted to do some bloodwork and had to take three vials of blood from Baby H’s foot. She was NOT happy, especially since one of the vials had clotted twice on the way to the lab, so technically, her little body had to fill 5 vials!

I’m not sure how this next part really started, but DH spent that third night with Baby H and I in the hospital. About 1:00 AM, my nurse brought in this NICU nurse, and they started talking about the “mass” in my baby’s abdomen like I knew what she was talking about. DH had woken up by this time (still very groggy, he was exhausted). Then the NICU nurse made the comment about how “she only needs one kidney anyway” and then left the room. DH and I just looked at each other trying to figure out what the hell just happened, and I lost it. Call it hormones, call it fear, but I just became hysterical… what do you mean my daughter only needs one kidney? What mass? DH stormed out of the room and after the nurses to find out what the hell they were talking about.

Apparently the night that Baby H spent in the nursery, the doctor’s palpated a pass in her abdomen. The nurse that night was supposed to tell us what had been found. We were NEVER told. Our night nurse was actually really apologetic for what had happened, as they thought we had already known, but we were more furious with the NICU nurse acting as if surgery was no big deal on a 2-day old baby and treating us as if we weren’t there! I need to get more details from DH on all of this because this really has become such a blur.

Long story short…

The next morning, Baby H’s bilirubin numbers still climbed even though she had been under the photo therapy lights and phototherapy blanket, which apparently is unusual. A new NICU nurse (who was very sweet) came in and told us that the doctor’s had decided the Baby H needed to be transferred to the NICU to be assessed and monitored.

They ended up putting her on a heated open crib in the NICU with the photo therapy lights going. It broke my heart to see her in there that first time. But, in hindsight, this was the best thing for her because these items needed to be figured out.

So, here is where we are…

1] Thrombocytopenia. Baby H's platelet count is of our highest concern at the moment. Normal platelet counts are between 150,000 and 300,000. Her count went from 31,000 to 6,000, which is dangeously severe, and they were worried about intracranial hemorrages. They ended up having to give her a platelet transfusion on Monday because it was so low.

There are two thoughts as to why this is happening...either she has contracted a virus like CMV, which can have hearing, vision, and neurological defects, as well as attacking the platelets, or she has Neonatal Alloimmune Thrombocytopenia, which means that the proteins from my platelets in utero thought that her proteins in her platelets were foreign objects and attacked them (same philosophy as Rh factor, but much less common). Either way, her body wasn't able to either produce new platelets or it was continuing to destroy the platelets that were growing...we aren't sure at this point.

They take her platelet count every 12 hours, at 6 AM and 6 PM, each day. Her numbers have been like this... Pretransfusion 6,000. After transfusion, 86,000, then 79,000, then 61,000, then 54,000, then 44,000 last night. If they get to 30,000, they need to do another transfusion and would prefer to do it by tomorrow, as that is when her current bag of donated platelets expires (prefer to keep the same donor as she didn't have any negative reactions to the tranfusion).

BUT, we got some good news for the first time today! Her platelets actually went UP for the first time since this all started! To 54,000! Still extremely low for normal, but it is a GAIN, which means her body is started to produce platelets and/or her body isn't destroying the platelets she is making as much (or at all, we don't know!).

We talked to the neonatologist and the nurse practioner today about this, and both said this is a great sign, but to be prepared because it can go back down again, as they have seen it do many times. But this is a positive step forward. When we asked what they are looking for, they said that they want to see a positive "trend" of increasing numbers to over 100,000, and then we can consider sending Baby H home for outpatient continuing treatment. So that is our goal -- 100,000!

2] Jaundice. Unfortunately, Baby H's jaundice is more stubborn that most newborns. But, like the platelets, we are finally seeing an improvement in the past two checks (check once a day). She went from 13.9 up to 16.9 (normal being 0.2). We have had ups and downs with this, but after three days of being on the "down side," even though it isn't down as far as they would like, they decided to try her off the photo therapy lights from noon today on and see if she can bring it down on her own. We find out that tonight as well, as they are going to do another check at 6 PM.

3] Enlarged spleen. After doing a full abdomen and head ultrasound, it has been determined that her spleen was quite enlarged, and that was the "mass" that had been felt. No one is sure why. However, today was the first day that her spleen actually started to shrink! No rhyme or reason, but this is great. The doctor's think that maybe the spleen was eating up the platelets somehow, but again, this is just a theory.

So that's where we are medically with Baby H. Still waiting and seeing, but today was such a positive day in terms of going in the right direction finally!

As for Baby H herself, OMG, she is just amazing. We try to do as many feeds as possible even though I've already been discharged, at least 4 to 5 a day if we can. I cherish that time so much, even if it is just being able to hold her in my arms and cuddle her. She is starting to open her eyes more, and I just melt when she stares into my eyes and watches me. She also has the cutest little facial expressions, especially her "smile" (you know, the gassy effect). She also has this "am I yawning or going to cry" look she gives us. I hate having to leave her there!

DH is completely smitten with her too. We almost have to fight over who gets to feed her and who gets to hold her (I usually win, but I let him have time with her too.). I love watching him just hold her and stare at her, studying her.

The kids have both met her. E seems indifferent but happy. A just can't get enough of her. Unfortunately, they haven't spent really any quality time with her because she has been in the NICU for 4+ days, but it should be interesting to see how things work out after she gets home, which I hope is soon!

I've taken quite a few pictures, and you can check them out in our usual shutterfly location.